Twisted Shout: How Shilpa Shetty Got Kissed

Our correspondents from all over now report.

Delhi: The national capital witnessed protests against the kiss, organised and led by the Patparganj Punjabi Aunties Association. Asked for a comment, PPAA Secretary General Sheenu Chadha said: ‘Richard Gere has hurt the sentiments of North Indians. How can he come to India and kiss an ugly Madrasi like Shilpa Shetty? Doesn’t he know Punjabi women are the most beautiful? Look at Juhi Chawla, Kareena Kapoor, and Neetu Singh. He should apologise.’

Vadodara: Local social worker Jignesh Shah was at the forefront of protests in Gujjuland. Speaking to reporters at a press conference, Shah said:

‘You all must remember this
a kiss is not just a kiss
a sigh is not just a sigh
The fundamentalist things apply
Richard Gere must die.’

Asked what concrete steps he would take going forward, Shah said that he would file a PIL seeking a stay against Western culture.

Tirupur: Mr. K Sivapathi, managing director of Padma Flag and Effigy Works, said that the controversy had come at the wrong time for the company. ‘We were already utilising maximum capacity thanks to the Jade Goody episode. After the national anthem controversy we had to subcontract effigies of Narayana Murthy out for jobwork. Now we will have to give Richard Gere effigies to jobworkers also which will hurt our margins. We would like to go in for capacity expansion to solve the problem but the high interest rates are making it difficult.’

Kolkata: Support for the kiss came from unexpected quarters. Nitish Singhania, President of the La Martinere’s Boys School’s Interact Club, praised the kiss and said it was an excellent way to spread AIDS awareness, adding ‘The LMB Interact Club is going to encourage all Marts students to kiss each other to raise awareness of AIDS.’ When reminded that none of the LMB students are Shilpa Shetty, or female for that matter, Singhanina replied ‘So?’.

Copenhagen: Danish band Legodeath also came out in support of the kissers. Band frontsman Lars presented the rough outline of a new song on the controversy:

who he will kiss
who she will kiss
does it matter
to you?
to me?
only their choice
not mine
not yours
we can only long
for all
and only
the kiss
of Sweet Death
when will it come?

Tucson, Arizona: Rahul Raguram had no comment on the kiss, but praised Legodeath for creating the new genre of Scandinavian Death Smooch Goth.

5 Replies to “Twisted Shout: How Shilpa Shetty Got Kissed”

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  2. All protestors will be presented with tubes of Fair and Lovely to take care of their gore /gere /gora complex (ion)BTW I love the new look ,definitely more cheery and less black humor

  3. For a society who has been deeply damaged by colonialism can one think of a more offensive image of a white guy grabbing a daughter of India and forcing himself upon her? It is so symbolic. It is right in line with the image of the white colonist forcing himself upon a country and just taking whatever he wants.

    Richard Gere should pay the ultimate price for this.

    What bothers me however is those who would blame Shilpa Shetty for this.

    Too often women victims of rape in India are blamed for what happened like they wanted the rape to happen or it was their fault the rape happened even when the truth might be that the rapists brutalized them and they couldn’t stop the rape from happening.

    While of course Richard Gere didn’t actually rape Shilpa Shetty, I still see this whole “Blame the Woman Victim” dynamic in place. From what I saw from the video Shilpa Shetty did nothing to cause Richard Gere to act the way he did, and was in fact as shocked as everyone else was that he would act in such a disgraceful manner.

    We need to defend this daughter of India, not blame her for this white man’s assault upon her.

  4. It is sad to see fellow Indians who have the indiscretion of not attributing their grace on their own – Madrasi, a term coined for anyone who is remotely darker in complexion, slightly bulkier in build, probably massively enamoured in looks , all but suddenly appears to be all things offensive.

    That’s far more belittling than what an over-zealous white guy inadvertently crossed the imaginary / invisible perimeters of cultural tolerance and conduct. God bless Indians … all Indians.

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