Quarter life crisis?

When I was a student, carefree and cheerful, I wanted nothing more than to grow up quickly to earn money and do things that adults could do… Now that I am an adult, I realize how naive I was to think so – as those were the best years of my life.

As I talk to my friends, colleagues, batch mates, acquaintances, most of whom are a products of India’s finest educational institutions, including the top business schools; I realize that no matter how well they are all doing – almost everyone seems to confess not feeling “content”. One would think that a degree from India’s top management institute, a job with a fortune 500 company, marriage to your college sweetheart and plans to start a family would lead to happiness or contentment – but it doesn’t seem so, unfortunately! On 2 different chat windows, I have one friend who seems to have a great job and all of the above but is complaining as his job profile doesn’t have any travel while on the other window my other friend who heads the international business division of his company is complaining how he hates waking up in a new hotel room every second day, being away from home 20 days a month and not to mention the toll time zone differences take on health! So, you see one has what the other wants but there is no guarantee that the first guy will be very happy if he gets the second guy’s job and vice versa. So it is with being single and being married – my married friends think I am very lucky to be single and my single friends (very few left anyway) and I feel that suddenly our friends are disappearing as they are getting married and starting families!

So what is it that we need to do to feel happy, content, satisfied? First we need to start with getting our priorities right. Unfortunately nowadays, people don’t spend time introspecting and thinking what they want and let peer pressure decide what will their priorities be. So if everyone in my group/ network/ circle has a big car, suddenly my much loved small car may seem to make me feel out of place. Or if everyone is talking about their holiday abroad, I may feel compelled to do the same, even if it puts a strain on my finances. The pressure to be accepted seems to be really getting to us – everything we do, it’s to get a nod of approval from our so-called “friends”. In the process, we change as people – becoming materialistic and forgetting to enjoy the “simple” things in life. To give you an example, if your office is at Nariman Point, when was the last time you enjoyed the sunset at Marine Drive – chances are quite high you may remember your nights getting drunk or eating food at the most expensive restaurants with peers in the same area but don’t remember when you did something simple as viewing the sunset. The pressure to be seen as a high performer in companies is tremendous – as managers we are only concerned about the numbers – revenue, target, budget; so much so that we have forgotten something basic which is to be “nice”; we have started measuring people in terms of the money he/ she makes – nothing could be more shallow than this. This is also taking a toll on our lifestyles – we are increasingly becoming home to highest number of heart patients and obesity is becoming a national problem. I met a few of my friends recently and could barely recognize them – the kilos they have piled on due to working late hours, no exercise, junk food is not funny. So while I may get that coveted promotion which helps me buy the big car and even that dream house; it’s actually coming at the cost of extra flab on my waistline, no time to enjoy the simple things in life and no time to be nice or even smile at people. And then one day, one would look at oneself in the mirror and think – what the hell am I doing with my life; I have the salary, nice house, chauffeur driven car, holidays abroad – but is that what I wanted out of life – is this the purpose of life and that’s when the crisis hits you.

Some of my Shanghainese friends who were visiting India recently asked me for help and I thought they would be interested in exploring all the history, culture of Delhi/ Agra and planned for them to visit all places of historic importance – turns out they cancelled this plan and instead all they wanted is to shop till they drop dead as they wanted to come back and flaunt what they bought! We are becoming so materialistic that we no longer want to spend money on experiences, but only on things we can wear/ decorate our homes with/ show off to others. In China, its very easy to tell a Shanghainese woman from those from others parts of the country – the Shanghainese woman is very hung up on appearances; to her the most important thing in life seems to have a Louis Vuitton handbag in one hand and a starbucks coffee in the other – even if its means not having money for other basic or more important things in life like higher education, saving for retirement, etc. In fact there is even a term for these women who spend their money on all these things important for their social status and then run out of money last few days of the month – Yue guang zu (月光族) – meaning “spend all your salary” – these women play a big hand in China’s domestic consumption. Madonna’s song “And I am a material girl and you know we are living in a material world” truly sums up their life! Apparently these women think that they will get noticed with the right stuff and right image by a foreigner (no matter how much older he may be to her) and then they wont have to work for rest of their lives (wishful thinking in some cases!). (My next post is on the Chinese women’s craze for white skin). Even in India, for people in their 20s, idea of a well spent weekend is to visit shopping malls, and get drunk.

Both in India and China, the biggest craze seems to be around owning a house – at least that’s an investment unlike a LV bag – but the length to which it drives people crazy is not funny. I know a guy who when sent abroad on assignment skipped dinner every day to save money to go back and make the downpayment for a house. In our parent’s generation, a house was something one bought close to retirement. Today if you are twenty-something and don’t own a house or are not planning to buy one immediately, you are almost a social pariah. I was having lunch with my Chinese friend the other day, who mentioned he is very ambitious and would like to reach senior management level – I suggested that he should look at an MBA from an Ivy League b-school – to which he said that he can’t do so as all almost all his salary goes into EMI for his house. In China and probably more so in cities in India, women refuse to marry a guy who doesn’t own a house!

Given all this its not surprising that people feel lack of contentment – working at jobs trying to outshine the others; a long stressful commute to work; paying home loans, car loans, personal loans, education loans – you name it, they have it; not getting time for themselves or with family; holidays becoming more of a ticking-number-of-places-visited event rather than unwinding. So when the next time you find yourself fuming over that non-deserving-colleague who got promoted instead of you – take a deep breath, relax; go for a jog/ swim; spend time with your loved ones, specially with very young or very old people; learn a new language; read that book you always wanted to; learn how to cook some new dishes; go on a backpacking tour and when you come back you will actually pity the colleague who probably doesn’t even get to see sunshine for most of his/ her day!

And not to forget; even if you win the rat race, you still remain a rat!

30 Responses to Quarter life crisis?

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Gautam John, Nikhil Kumar Verma. Nikhil Kumar Verma said: RT @gkjohn: Well said @aadisht On life and the rat race: http://bit.ly/a50o50 […]

  2. Vinod says:

    Spot on. Well written. Thanks!

  3. Abhishek says:

    I got a hike today and an onsite. I called up my parents and told them the good news. And then I found this link as my friend’s status message.

    Someone up there loves me ………………. 🙂

    Thanks for getting me down to Earth.

  4. Amit T says:

    Well written. After reading the post I feel like having a govt. job in a B-class town. I believe, doing what you like is the key. But, in a society like India it’s difficult for a person to break free and choose something like painting/arts. Peer pressure!

  5. Ohmaar says:

    “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” Mark 8:36

  6. Rohith says:

    This is so nice. I feel light. Thanks a lot.

  7. Piotr says:

    Very inspiring, besides, I love your almost too perfect English!

  8. I am currently in UK and my husband and I actually tried to escape this kind of life and we came to UK 3 years back…it is definitely quite different here..you feel like a human being again..and not a machine..
    The things you have described is the reality of India…and ughhh I am dreading coming back and joining the rat race 🙁

  9. shraddha says:

    Actually i had a little different experience…i loved being in India for like 2 months…and now that i am back in US..i feel a little regretful…may be i should have not felt so homesick and missed my girls and feared of being alone..it would have been better for me in the long run…

  10. GM says:

    Well Said!!

    I was in this rat-race for past 3-4 years and now Iam trying to come out of it. Working on my interests. Thanks and it gives me motivation.

  11. Sathya Simha says:

    Very coherent thoughts…. with Perfect and simple English … Well done indeed…Keep it up!!!

  12. krips says:

    “Happiness is real when shared”….
    that is the only reason we always want to share what we have with others, and be in what you call ‘a rat race’!

  13. Rajiv says:

    Beautifully written…..
    I think in India we worry too much about future and forget to enjoy the present.
    Our orientation has not been in a way to do what we like, but to fight for the best available and that results in too much of competition and rat race though 99% of us are not sure, where will we land up after achieving it.

  14. Rati says:

    “And not to forget; even if you win the rat race, you still remain a rat!”

    the best line …:)
    well said!!! 🙂

  15. Vishal says:

    Gud one……!!!

  16. Rizwan says:

    Honestly written, Im following your blogs and truly this one deserves the praise..
    Good work Samta..keep writing..

  17. Nikita says:

    sumbdy suggestd me 2 read dis…
    n m really grateful tht i read:)
    thnq….

  18. Ashwini G says:

    Nice write up. I was one among the Quarter life crisis too. Luckily, I got my elixir. I changed my ways of life. Do visit my website & my blog
    http://lifeaskrisjunior.blogspot.com

  19. Prats says:

    Was planning to buy an expexsive fone jus for the heck of it even wen my current one is serving me well.. Dropped the idea after reading this,, feeling sane again…

  20. Raj says:

    Awesome!!!

  21. pushpendra jain says:

    Thanks for inspiring note. the race is a ground reality and we all are victim of it.We have forgotten the preachings of Mahavira to reduce needs, on the contrary we running after to fulfil artificially created needs, which are not real needs .thanks and regards

  22. Bhaskar says:

    “Even if you win the rat race, you still remain a rat” sums up the whole article. These thoughts resonate well with the current generation, who seem to be chasing something that they themselves are not quite aware of. So is life I guess, with people not living to contentment but just to be more materialistic.
    Well worded article – refresher in the morning.

  23. jami says:

    Excellent blog

  24. Rajbhog says:

    The person who looks outside,dreams and who looks inside awakens…

  25. Pallavi says:

    very well said…

  26. Heena says:

    Its absolutely true…….I feel like so many things are written for me only.after reading this blog i will surely change myself.

  27. Jaydev says:

    Nice written but some fine tuning is required..

  28. KRISHNA says:

    Nice article Aadisht

  29. Bhawna says:

    Very well written indeed. But thankfully I have been able to keep myself away from this rat race. What’s the point working day in day out, without knowing the whole purpose behind.
    Glad to realise, I still have time in hand to look upto the sky, feel the chilly breeze of delhi winter, enjoy the soothing sun on a december sunday, stroll back home from work, smile at a child on the street and enjoy a bit of maggie and a cup of coffee.

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