Software Development Models and Weddings

June 23, 2010

In comments, BJ says that he has a fair idea of why I think TamBrahm weddings are like ERP implementations, and asks me to confirm his suspicions with a post on this. I don’t know if he is zinking what I am zinking, but here goes.

As someone who had only seen Arya Samaji weddings (and also one sardar wedding) up until the age of 21, I was utterly flabbergasted the first time I saw a TamBrahm wedding. The whole point of Arya Samaj was that if you were going to involve yourself with religion, you should bloody well understand what you’re getting into. So if you don’t speak Sanskrit, the priest must translate everything, and give a proper explanation while he’s doing so.

In contrast, at TamBrahm weddings (and any religious ceremony for that matter – we did a bhoomi poojan at the Kanchipuram factory with local priests), the involvement of the concerned parties is minimal. They just sit around while the priests chant stuff they don’t understand.

This makes TamBrahm weddings very much like the common, or garden-variety ERP implementation. The ERP consultants are parallel to the priests. Because nobody can understand them, you have to take their word for it that they’re experts and know what’s going on. Then, there is a long and painful period in which the priests/ ERP consultants do lots of stuff that looks impressive, but nobody actually knows if it’s accomplishing anything. Finally, they collect their fees, and leave the company/ happy couple to sort things out on their own.

Extending the analogy, Punjabi Arya Samaji weddings are like installing Windows. You’re given the opportunity to read the whole end-user license agreement and cancel if you’re not happy with it. But everyone is so excited about the bling and cool new features that they skip reading it, or just nod along to whatever the shastri says and install it. After the honeymoon period, you suddenly realise that this thing is taking up far more resources than you’d anticipated.

North Indian Sanatan Dharmi weddings are like the Apple App Store. Everything looks incredibly cool and blingy, but the license agreement is completely opaque and nobody has any clue what they’re getting into.

Living in is like installing and running Linux without a GUI and only with a console. And that too by compiling the source with gcc and not from some cool Ubuntu disc or Red Hat Package manager. It seems hardcore and revolutionary, but when you get down to the specifics, is really just a lot of housework without any bling.

The analogy has now gone far enough. That’s it for the post.


The Jagadguru as Agony Aunt

November 21, 2007

In his infinite compassion, the Jagadguru will now enlighten us not only on Politics, but on all our sundry queries of day to day life. To gain His darshan, you need only to email dearjagadguru AT aadisht DOT net. The Jagadguru will answer your queries in SCF(w)O’s new agony aunt column: Krish on Love, Sex, and Home Appliances.

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Dear Jagadguru,

I am a management consultant. I have a flat in Mumbai which I share with some colleagues, but I work from Monday to Friday at my client’s office in Nagpur. While I’m out of Mumbai, some other colleagues drop in to my flat and use my room for all practical purposes. This leads to unpleasant stains on my bedsheets. How can I resolve this problem?

Yours in devotion,

UWP

Dear UWP,

Well this just shows the dangers of unregulated free markets. Libertarian fools led by theirĀ leader Milton Friedman claim that lack of rent control will lead to an improvement in housing construction so that others don’t need to use your room. These free market fundamentalists can bullshit with a straight face. Actually because of lack of regulation in housing anybody can come and use your room. This is why I always say that only a democratically elected government with strong regulations against free markets can keep your sheets cleaned. There needs to be some strong regulations against use of your room by other people. Free markets by themselves cannot keep hormonal couples away from your room. We need some stronger regulations to keep them out.

Jagadguru

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Dear Jagadguru,

I am recently married. Although I want to have sex with my wife, I am unable to get an erection. Is this due to stress or is there any medical problem?

Your eternal devotee,

LB

Dear LB,

this is another act of impotents. Shameful.

Jagadguru

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Dear Jagadguru,

which is the best model of microwave oven to buy?

Worshipfully yours,

RV

Dear RV,

your ignorance is not my problem. It has been discussed enough times here and on the internet and I don’t need to explain it to you. It is clear enough which microwave is the best and if you can’t see it then you are a damn fool. There is a saying in Tamil that just because a cat closes its eyes it doesn’t make the world dark. You should gain an understanding of this matter and then only write. Don’t try to argue your side because itz wrong.

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Dear Jagadguru,

I have been dating a boy for about a month. It isn’t very serious but he insists on always paying the bill whenever we go for lunch or dinner. This makes me uncomfortable but he insists that because heĀ earns more than me he should pay the bill. Please give your blessings and direction on this issue.

Krisham Vande Jagadguru,

CS

Dear CS,

this is shameful. It shows how the priveleged sections of society try to keep down the unpriveleged sections. Well I won’t say anything more except that it just shows how the free market fundamentalism and the right wing Hindu fundamentalism go hand in hand. It only shows how both are opposed to an equal footing of the bill. You should send his degrees to me for burning.

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(Please send in your queries to dearjagadguru AT aadisht DOT net. They will be addressed in the next column.)