The Jagadguru as Agony Aunt

In his infinite compassion, the Jagadguru will now enlighten us not only on Politics, but on all our sundry queries of day to day life. To gain His darshan, you need only to email dearjagadguru AT aadisht DOT net. The Jagadguru will answer your queries in SCF(w)O’s new agony aunt column: Krish on Love, Sex, and Home Appliances.

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Dear Jagadguru,

I am a management consultant. I have a flat in Mumbai which I share with some colleagues, but I work from Monday to Friday at my client’s office in Nagpur. While I’m out of Mumbai, some other colleagues drop in to my flat and use my room for all practical purposes. This leads to unpleasant stains on my bedsheets. How can I resolve this problem?

Yours in devotion,

UWP

Dear UWP,

Well this just shows the dangers of unregulated free markets. Libertarian fools led by their¬†leader Milton Friedman claim that lack of rent control will lead to an improvement in housing construction so that others don’t need to use your room. These free market fundamentalists can bullshit with a straight face. Actually because of lack of regulation in housing anybody can come and use your room. This is why I always say that only a democratically elected government with strong regulations against free markets can keep your sheets cleaned. There needs to be some strong regulations against use of your room by other people. Free markets by themselves cannot keep hormonal couples away from your room. We need some stronger regulations to keep them out.

Jagadguru

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Dear Jagadguru,

I am recently married. Although I want to have sex with my wife, I am unable to get an erection. Is this due to stress or is there any medical problem?

Your eternal devotee,

LB

Dear LB,

this is another act of impotents. Shameful.

Jagadguru

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Dear Jagadguru,

which is the best model of microwave oven to buy?

Worshipfully yours,

RV

Dear RV,

your ignorance is not my problem. It has been discussed enough times here and on the internet and I don’t need to explain it to you. It is clear enough which microwave is the best and if you can’t see it then you are a damn fool. There is a saying in Tamil that just because a cat closes its eyes it doesn’t make the world dark. You should gain an understanding of this matter and then only write. Don’t try to argue your side because itz wrong.

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Dear Jagadguru,

I have been dating a boy for about a month. It isn’t very serious but he insists on always paying the bill whenever we go for lunch or dinner. This makes me uncomfortable but he insists that because he¬†earns more than me he should pay the bill. Please give your blessings and direction on this issue.

Krisham Vande Jagadguru,

CS

Dear CS,

this is shameful. It shows how the priveleged sections of society try to keep down the unpriveleged sections. Well I won’t say anything more except that it just shows how the free market fundamentalism and the right wing Hindu fundamentalism go hand in hand. It only shows how both are opposed to an equal footing of the bill. You should send his degrees to me for burning.

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(Please send in your queries to dearjagadguru AT aadisht DOT net. They will be addressed in the next column.)