Wokay!

Well, I might as well make the obligatory Feast of St. Valentine post.

My brother has recently started to read Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. Over here, he claims that he is doing this because I have challenged him to do so.

In fact, I have done nothing of the sort. This is camouflage of the basest kind.

I gently suggested to Bhavya that he read Pride and Prejudice not as a challenge but out of pure fraternal affection. Despite possessing raw sex appeal and animal magnetism, he has no charm whatsoever. The story of his life is:

Girl sees boy at quiz/ debate/ et cetera.

Girl instantly falls for boy. (Why does this never happen to me?)

Girl meets boy.

Five minutes to five weeks after meeting her, boy manages to tick girl off.

It’s astounding. He manages to fritter his natural advantage. Given enough time, there is no girl he will not manage to annoy and convince that he is a horrid, horrid, boy.

It is for this reason that he needs to read Pride and Prejudice. I haven’t read it myself, for the simple reason that I can’t get through anything by Jane Austen. It’s a morass of the passive voice in which better men than me have sunk. Anyway. Returning to the point.

The point- which I have so far meandered around because the CAT is tomorrow and I have every right to be distracted- is that girls go wild over Mr. Darcy. Look at Bridget Jones. Look at Mia Thermopolis (OK, that was the bloke in Jane Eyre but it could easily have been Mr. Darcy). Look at Vrinda, who left a comment at my brother’s post, and in fact has a teddy bear (or is it a cat?) called Darcy. For that matter, look at the heroine of Pride and Prejudice, who I assume is wild about him at the end of the book. And Bhavya is reading Pride and Prejudice not to settle a bet (or bets), but because he knows that to emulate Mr. Darcy in all wise is his only hope of having a happy ending on future Valentine’s Days.

Then again, maybe it’s just to settle the bet. He is pretty competitive. I’m turning in early, I have the CAT tomorrow. Good night.

In my earlier post about the plant otherwise known as Mary Jane, I may have given the impression that it leaves you feeling senti and goofy and maudlin.

That’s not strictly accurate. It may do that to you, but its effect may be quite different. It varies from person to person. Thus while A may go about sighing wistfully that Jennifer Aniston used to look so much better than she does, B will exhibit a burst of lateral thinking and prepare a design for Hide Fruit and Seek Nut laddoos. And similarly X will stay up through the night chewing on thermocol, while Y will be violently sick down his shirt front. It all depends. It definitely does bring about a change in behaviour though. The direction and magnitude may vary, but the change is there.

The reason I bring this up is that I harbour a suspicion that India’s top political leadership is, well, under the influence. I’m not saying it’s so, but it would explain a lot. For instance, why Vajpayee’s speech has two settings: sluggish and torrential. Imagine, if you will, the following scene:

Vajpayee’s drawing room at 7, Race Course Road. Furnished with settees, divans, Rajasthani wall hangings, and lit by dim bulbs. A PC with a 4.1 speaker system is playing Pearl Jam. The PC is on a desk with a drawer.

Author’s Note: I’m assuming Jaitley likes Deep Purple and Collective Soul, but I could be wrong. If anybody is better informed about his musical tastes, please let me know.

Scene: Vajpayee seated regally on central divan. Jaitley lying on R. settee, reading Nagraj comic books. Advani and Murli Manohar Joshi sprawling on L. divan.

Vajpayee [speaking very slowly]: Advani [pause]… b*******d, [pause], rolling [pause] paper [pause] nikaal.

Advani walks over to computer table, and extracts the “stuff” from the drawer. He rolls a joint with care, lights it, and passes it around. Remains seated at

Vajpayee [now speaking at normal speed]: Aaaaahhh. Good Stuff.

Jaitley: Advani, push Like a Stone.

Murli Manohar [now very high]: Yaar, suppose we push B. Sc (Astrology) onto the university course. Too wild!

Advani giggles hysterically.

MMJ: Faaaahk. Instead of Physics practicals, it’ll be like zodiac practicals. Too trippy.

ABV: Yeah. It’d be like trusting Musharraf. Wild, man.

Jaitley: Why don’t we? Trust Musharraf and push astrology honours?

Advani giggles hysterically.

MMJ: Yeah! And you know what else? Let’s rewrite the history textbooks!

ABV: Why?

MMJ: Panga hoga, yaar!

Jaitley: You guys do what you like. You can’t think of anything really creative. Advani, push Shine by Collective Soul.

ABV: We’re all shining collectively! India Shining!

Jaitley: What you should do is go totally overboard. Have peace talks with Musharraf.

Vajpayee and Joshi look at Jaitley with new respect. Advani giggles hysterically.

MMJ: What’ll I do?

Jaitley [belligerently]: You aren’t capable of doing anything. Faak you.

MMJ [equally belligerently]: Oh yeah? I’ll destroy India’s brand value! Dekh le!

Jaitley: As if.

MMJ: Watch what I do to the IIMs. Phir bata.

Jaitley: Stop showing off.

MMJ: Dude, I can totally f*ck the IIMs.

Jaitley: they’re unfuckable. As if you can do anything to them.

MMJ: Yeah? I’ll make them drop the fees. And then I’ll get Jaswant to cut their funding. Ha!

Jaitley: Do what you like. Advani, push Highway Star.

ABV: Dude, imagine if we had, like, expressways all over the country.

MMJ: Whatever. I’m going ahead and doing what I want.

Advani throws up. Curtain.

The week gone by was rough. We’re in the middle of family crises that I won’t go into, but they’re serious all right.

Today, though, a feel good factor erupted.

Immediately after lunch, my brother’s SAT scores came through. 770 in maths, 730 in verbal, leading to a grand total of 1500. I’m mentioning the sum in case some of the readers here are Interact Club members.

The news has cheered up my entire family. My house no longer has a heavy air hanging overhead.

After dinner, more good news was in store. PP the Ironman’s GRE scores came through. 800 in Quant, 780 in Verbal, and six point oh in the writing section. In his own words, the excitement is killing him.

It’s not killing me, but as I said, it’s making me feel pretty good. If all goes well, I sustain this through the week, and go in for the CAT feeling great.

To boost it further, I’m going to take advantage of the ridiculously low promotional call rates to USA and Western Europe (Rs. 3.75 a minute on Airtel, and I have a brand new Mitsubishi Trium!), and call up everyone this week.

Mangalam.