Reaving and Slaying

While in Calcutta, I went for a litquiz with Aishwarya and Pradipta. Despite four self-overrules in the prelims, we qualified; and despite a Bong-funda heavy first half, we ended up winning the quiz. I think the margin of victory was at least three questions, and probably four or more. Apparently, it’ll be reported in the Telegraph’s equivalent of Bangalore Times and stuff.

Pradipta informs me that this is the first time in years that anyone has ever beaten the runners-up (a team called the Inmaniacs), and that this will therefore cause ripples of shock and awe across the Calcutta quizzing circuit (such as it is). This was of course prophesied long ago by davenchit:

The Jin in the time of Genghis Khan were noted for their many defensive walls- rotting, all but useless against true foes, these were symptoms of inner decay. The infrastructure of Calcutta resembles that of the Jin- reflections of past glory. Reckless drinkers, weakened by the Irish influence, they are ripe for conquest. Securing this key littoral will complete the preparation for the final assault: Bangalore.

Indeed, the shock that is currently reverberating through the cul-de-sacs of the City of Dretful Night is comparable to the
wounds North India suffered after the initial Turkic and Persian invasions, the crippling blows to society faced by Great Britain after the Viking raids, and the sack of Rome by Attila the Hun. A mere raid has exposed the society’s decay and corruption; annihilation and conquest cannot be long away. Soon, Bombay and Bangalore’s quizzers will overrun Calcutta, grabbing pole positions in every quiz that takes place, crushing the locals, and hearing the lamentations of their women and children. The old order of sleazy pubs and Ambassadors shall be shattered, as new watering holes and real taxis spring up to serve the needs of Calcutta’s new masters. The Pax Quizzica shall return Kolkata (faugh!) to the state which it was always meant to be: Calcutta for the Marwaris!

0 Responses to Reaving and Slaying

  1. Kunal says:

    I see you have committed the sin of Croesus and read the prophecy of Davenchit the wrong way. In the prophecy, the BQC star as the Mongol Horde, while you Bangalore quizzers take the place of the Song Empire. While it is true that the Song conquered the Jin at long last and (re)took their lands, this was but the beginning of the war between the Song and the khans who succeeded Temuchin. By conquering the Jin/Calcutta, you have sowed the wind. Unfortunately, it is the whirlwind of the Mongol/Bombay invasion into your own heartland that you shall reap.

  2. skimpy says:

    cheap guy
    you already forgot that Nihilanth “open” quiz? thatz what the bongs will do when threatened with south indian domination – they’ll soon stop having proper quizzes in cal

  3. Pradipta says:

    Not quite the first time in years. More like, they’re rarely so soundly trounced. And that too by eldritch upstarts and not heavy bong heavyweights.

  4. Aadisht says:

    Brother Kunal: Your point about me being of the Song is correct, but this may not be the case for very long. It is increasingly likely that in the next couple of months, I shall either defect to the Mongol Hordes, or to bucolic pastoral lands where no quizzing takes place at all. Do remember that the Prophecy of Davenchit also states: With a thriving industry, plenty of beer and wide roads for quick transportation of men and materials, these are formidable opponents. Yet defectors from the empire have provided us with valuable intelligence with which we will destroy their strongholds, sow the earth with salt and drink all the beer..

    Wimp: The Nihilanth Open Quiz was held before Dhoomketu Khan welded the quizzers of Bombay into a mighty fighting force, capable of withstanding the most non-non-heinous of questions on Bengali poetry. Even when the quiz is eldritch, the hordes shall triumph.

    Pradipta: Indeed! Morale has been shattered.

  5. Nandan says:

    Ahh…vicarious pleasure surrounds me! For all the Bong quizzers who looked at us Mumbaiwallahs with disdain. “No quizzing kaalchaar” they said. We shall beat them and return to the station in time to catch the last Goregaon local.
    Good job, K Aadishtan.
    Of course, good self is pretty much out of quizzing circuit, letting the young ones take over.

  6. Pradipta says:

    Aadisht: For years of suffering a certain irksome gentleman at school and then open quizzes, vindication has happened. Ah, you have no idea of the depth of my smugness.

    Nandan: I am non-disdainful Bong quizzer. On behalf of my brethren I say hello.

  7. Davenchit says:

    Brother Kunal and Brother Aadisht,

    Your confusion can be resolved by referring to that classic work on the Hermeneutic Ontology of Battleaxes, Meditations on Reason, Ethics and Compromise by the great Cimmerian thinker, Conan.
    I quote:

    “The mysterium tremendum et fascinans of Battleaxes, at the very cusp of acting carpe jugulum, or the numinous nature of the recurve bow during battles on the steppes, has led the neo-Platonist-Reaver, Kull, to ascribe to them agency. Yet, is agency an Universal? And is not the attribution of agency to Battleaxes an error in Category? For what is the Proximate Cause of fountains of blood and hoarse screams, if not pantherish reflexes, untramelled by the hesitations of Civilized Men?”

    Your petty squabbling about who will be slaughtered, and where, obscures the fact that, like the recurve bow(or battleaxe), you are not agents- you are merely the conduits of agency, which is, in turn, nothing but the insatiable bloodlust of Dhoomketu Khan. Do not ever forget this.

  8. Nandan says:

    Pradipta: non-disdainful…hmm..It’s a start. 🙂 Hello to you, too, my friend…

  9. banjo says:

    just because all bongs left Cal doesn’t mean you can downgrade my city like that 😛

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