Typical Bloody Politicians

September 8, 2007

Remember that protest march I photoblogged a year and a half ago? I gave United Students my email and mobile number, and subsequently never heard about or from them.

Until this week. Suddenly my mobile started getting spammed with SMSs from VR4Nikhita, urging me to go and vote for the United Students candidate, Nikhita Arora, in the Delhi University Students Union elections, and to forward the SMS to three other people.

Joy. I’m not in Delhi, much less Delhi University. In fact, I’ve never been in Delhi University. I can’t vote for the DUSU president. Even if I could, United Students has told me nothing about who Nikhita Arora is, what she plans to do once she becomes president, or why I should vote for her.

In fact, despite having my email address, United Students has never sent me a manifesto or a newsletter or a statement of objectives in the past eighteen months. The only time they remembered I existed was at the elections. Sound familiar?

Those who decide to change the system from within are condemned to have the system change them.


Airport Road

September 8, 2007

I’m glad my Palio isn’t sentient. If it was, it would be miserable. The past week it’s been going to work at 30 kmph on Airport Road, and coming back even slower. It has me to blame for coming home early instead of being a good boy, going to the gym after work, and not coming home until Airport Road is empty.

The Palio just isn’t meant to crawl along Airport Road behind traffic. Autorickshaws, yes. They’re a natural for that sort of job. Indicas too. But the Palio is meant for better things. Like coming down the Airport Road flyover at 80 kmph while Radio Indigo plays ‘Hips don’t lie’ and shooting past an Accent with a ‘It’s not how you drive, it’s where you park’ bumper sticker. Actually, bub, it’s who overtakes you.

The problem with that is that the fast lane is almost never empty enough to overtake black Accents. Usually, it’s occupied by some wanker of an Indicab who’s going at 35 and refuses to move into the middle. Or worse, an Omni, which never accelerates, but manages to come to a dead halt in two seconds. Blast them.

So I need to cut down on the eating out even further, and start saving up for fuel for a road trip. Saturdays have finally been made holidays. The Palio deserves the Bangalore-Chennai highway after what it’s been going through.


Facebook and Schadenfreude

September 5, 2007

My hypothesis that my quarterlife crisis is really just pent up teenage angst finally being let out is being supported from my schadenfreude-laden reaction to joining Facebook.

The brilliant thing about Facebook is not that it allows you to meet women. In fact that’s one of the scariest things about Facebook. You add a woman you know in passing and then discover that she’s a Hezbollah member, or believes in natural contraception. But that’s another story. No, as I was saying, the brilliant thing about Facebook is the schadenfreude it lets you indulge in when you run across old batchmates. In this respect it is far superior to orkut.

On orkut, the old school batchmates I was running across were growing their hair and writing pretentious poetry. Which is just so putting off that you don’t even feel schadenfreude.

On facebook, however, I discovered this dude who used to be a heartthrob across three batches. Tennis player. Basketball player. Three thirds. And now he’s gone to seed. Beer belly. Puffy face. Bad haircut. And a job which is much worse than mine on the scale of corporate whoredom. It was glorious. It was like the ending of Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion.

Such are the cheap thrills which I get these days. It’s definitely my teenage years finally catching up with me.


HPEC-MIFC

September 5, 2007

I want to make babies with the Percy Mistry report.

(If you do click, it’s a 2 MB PDF file, but worth every byte.)


CPI (M): Learning is Bad

September 5, 2007

According to Prakash Karat, the joint naval exercise with the US harms India’s sovereignity.

The opportunity to learn from the world’s most powerful navy harms our sovereignity.

The insights we get into naval warfare harm our sovereignity.

The goodwill we will build with major world powers harms our sovereignity.

The recognition of India as a regional power with a stake in ensuring the security of shipping lanes harms our sovereignity.

The only way to preserve our sovereignity is to hand our domestic and foreign policy over to a bunch of traitors who’re hellbent on stalling economic progress and who have a track record of supporting the country we’re at war with.

If you repeat a divine argument enough, it becomes true.


Diplomacy is a Katana and a Smirk

September 4, 2007

The chickens could get Ambassador Sen’s head, and he might be sacked from government service. In that case, he would wander the earth, a diplomat without a country to serve. So would he then become Ronin Sen?


Minimum Standards of Wordplay

September 3, 2007

A pun ceases to be clever if the Times of India uses it.


Batman Never Begins

August 25, 2007

As a mere drop in the Indian pool of engineers-turned-MBAs, I cannot come up with anything more than cuppax fundaes. However, I am always anxious to offer my readers more and better content. I am proud to announce that the intellectual level of this blog is taking a massive leap. As a special to Sleisha Cuppax Fundaes (w)Only, Pankaj Mishra is providing his review of Chak De India. I hope you will be dazzled by his intellect (and also enjoy the review).

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Batman Never Begins – Pankaj Mishra

With Chak De India, Bollywood appears to have created a new myth of a united and resurgent India. Yet this story of supposed success and empowerment hides uncomfortable truths. The enthusiasm of the press and of audiences for the movie does not represent a genuine appraisal of India’s prowess in women’s hockey, but the wishful thinking of Western policymakers who wish to engage India as a geopolitical resource and a trading market.

The attempt to project the virtues of team spirit and nationalism provides comfort to India’s neo-orientalist elites who can afford to watch movies in the multiplexes of ‘shining India’. But the story of the film is a self-affirming fiction that emphasizes that free-market capitalism in India is at the cost of the have-nots, who are being plunged deeper into despair at the growing inequality.

Nothing in the film demonstrates this as powerfully as the casting of Rani and Soimoi of Jharkhand as mere defenders, while the glamorous goal-chase subplot is cornered by the strikers from Chandigarh and Haryana – the epicentre of Indian neo-liberalisation policies. Media attention on the competition for goals between Preeti and Komal is analogous to the preoccupation of the Indian media with corporate battles for marketshare.

The fact that the movie chose to focus on the personal lives of only the strikers- who were all from the states of India which had embraced neo-liberal capitalism – demonstrates the extent to which the western ideas of free market fundamentalism have captured the Indian media. At the same time, the sidelining of the players from Jharkhand and Andhra Pradesh to mere cameos points to why their frustrated citizens are turning to Maoist insurgency, a phenomenon known as Naxalism.

Also, though the movie attempts to make much of the Muslim identity of the coach, the team itself has only one Muslim player. This is taken for granted, yet this under-representation lies at the heart of a government report published earlier this year which found that Muslims were dangerously excluded from government jobs. This increasing marginalisation of India’s minorities since the championing of Western-style free-market economics contrasts sharply with the inclusive ethos which characterised Indian politics in the 1950s.

In fact, the 1950s were a golden age when India experimented with brave new political, economics, and diplomatic ideas that were homegrown and owed nothing to Western influence. This period laid the foundation for India’s best years of hockey. India’s achievements in this period must be examined in an Indian perspective. Thatcherism and astroturf were introduced concurrently. Both these Western innovations have disadvantaged India greatly. As long as Indians try to play within the constraints imposed by these alien concepts, India cannot become a superpower – either in hockey or in the economic domain.

Instead of seeking success on Western parameters, India would do well to tap into its legacy of original thought. As I have mentioned, India cannot succeed in either hockey or the financial sphere, but it is well placed to become the world leader in deep thinking. With its heritage of radical ideators – Gandhi, Adi Shankaracharya, Buddha, and Chanakya, India can use the educational foundations laid by Nehru to lead the way in foreign affairs, economics, and social studies. India’s businessmen and engineers are recognised only by the world’s general news and business media, which themselves are under the influence of the West’s policymakers. However, the world’s intellectuals recognise the talent of India’s writers, artists, and social commentators. It is these Indian intellectuals who are best placed to guide India away from Western standards of prosperity and social organisation.

The hockey players in Chak De India are not suitable Indian icons. Their wide eyed wonder at advanced training equipment and gyms show that they are too overcome by Western technology to authentically represent India. This is not unique to hockey. Even in cricket, no batsman can begin to speak authentically of Indian sensitivities the way Indian intellectuals can. Intellectuals, not hockey playing girls, are the true heroes of twenty-first century India – which India is gradually realising, aided by reviews such as this one. Perhaps the next Bollywood blockbuster will be called Chak De Intellectual.


Reality

August 24, 2007

Reality is not digital, an on-off state, but analog. Something gradual. In other words, reality is a quality that things possess in the same way that they possess, say, weight. Some people are more real than others, for example. It has been estimated that there are only about five hundred real people on any given planet, which is why they keep unexpectedly running into one another all the time.

– Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures

 

Damn the running into one another. If this is true, the more profound implication is that the five hundred real people are all sleeping with each other.


Running Out of Metals II

August 22, 2007

My post on credit card brand dilution left the question of what to call the next premium card once even Platinum has become mass market unanswered. Here are some options:

  1. Continue on the path of using rarer and rarer metals to represent greater exclusivity. Use rare earths like Praseodynium and Ytterbium. While conceptually pure, this strategy will generate names which are not well known and also difficult to pronounce. On the other hand, if the nuclear deal goes through, a Uranium or Plutonium card would have unmitigated brand value.
  2. Go the Mainland China way and use colours instead of metals – the by-invitation-only card in China is called Black.
  3. Use minerals that are not metals: Ruby, Garnet, Emerald and Diamond. Unfortunately, all of these have less perceived value than Platinum.
  4. Fictional metals. Adamantium, Cavorite, Vibranium, and Dilithium. And for the card with no credit limit and boundless reward points: Kryptonite. Need I say more?