September 11, 2008
The brouhaha about independence for Kashmir, with arguments about whether it’s liberal, or sensible strategy, or whatnot has obscured the far more important question of when Punjab will gain independence from the rest of India.
I mean, look at the situation. Greater Punjab (encompassing Indian Punjab, Pakistani Punjab, Haryana, Himachal Pradesh, Jammu, Delhi, and Western UP) does all the work. It gets India gold medals at the Olympics. It produces food, Maruti cars, and thermal undergarmaments for the rest of the country. It doesn’t suffer floods, have Mamata Banerjee, or slaughter VHP swamis or Christians. Neither does it have politicans who go about smashing shops and theatres or calling for bandhs. Basically, Greater Punjab does all the heavy lifting while the rest of India freerides. Our manifest destiny is being hijacked by a bunch of wankers from East of Kanpur and south of Bathinda. And frankly I am sick of it.
So it’s time to call for Punjew self-determination. I am sure I will be supported in this by Swami Aiyar, Vir Sanghvi and Arundhati Roy. If not – well, we have the martial races.
April 25, 2008
… is like a Hindi film version of a superhero crossover. Kareena Kapoor plays Elektra, or possibly O-Ren Ishii. Akshay Kumar plays a Kanpuriya version of Shang-Chi or Iron Fist. Saif Ali Khan doesn’t fit the superhero stereotype quite as well, but in the second half appears to be like Tony Stark. But then he is typecast as Tony Stark.
The movie also enforces the stereotype of people from UP being uncultured and evil criminals. This is excellent. Only when the popular consciousness turns against the Allahabadi elites will we be able to overthrow the oppressive Indian state and replace it with a loose federation of Saivite neo-Edwardian empires.
Also, due to a makeup fiasco, there is a scene in which Kareena Kapoor has a white face and a pink nose.
Finally, the second half approaches action-movie all-time greatness. Akshay Kumar fights ninjas! On an electricity transmission tower! In a UP don’s lair! Which makes the songs and the first half unnecessary diversions that should have been dispensed with. Such is life.
February 8, 2008
Nobody has noticed the most sinister aspect of the whole Harbhajan-Symonds-Monkey-Maa Ki controversy.
Why would Harbhajan say ‘तेरी मां की’ (terii maa kii) at all? As a true son of Punjab, manly and virile, he should have said ‘ਤੇਰੀ ਮਾਂ ਦੀ!’ (terii maa dii).
I can only conclude that in the Indian cricket team too, the jackboot of Hindi imperialism has come crushing down on regional languages, so that now poor Bhajji is no longer allowed to even swear in his mother tongue.
Punjab, my Punjab! How long will we endure the oppression of the Allahbadis? The time has come to throw off their yoke.