Ten Minutes in the Kitchen

October 28, 2014

My blog is at risk of sounding like a paid promotion for Philips. A day after writing about buying Philips LED bulbs, I am now writing about their new ad campaign to promote self-examination for breast cancer. Rest assured, though, that it’s just a coincidence, and do consider that I have been blogging so little that I don’t think Philips would even bother paying me.

Anyway. I saw the campaign being mentioned on social media about a week ago, at which time I quickly scrolled past. Then I saw a print ad on the weekend, and successfully ignored that. However, this evening, I heard a radio spot, got intrigued, and came back to look for the video spot. Here it is. It combines some of my favourite things: communicating without speaking, yuppie couples, and kitchens.

The radio ad I heard this evening isn’t quite as impressive. For starters, the husband in the radio ad seems far less competent. Unlike his counterpart in the TV ad, he can’t just make food by himself. He calls up his wife to ask for the recipe for dal. This left me wondering:

  • Why on earth do you need a recipe for dal of all things?
  • If you have to call up your wife to get instructions for making dal, don’t you end up wasting almost as much time of hers, and possibly more, as you save by making dal?
  • Seriously, why couldn’t he just look up YouTube, any of the multiple food channels on television, a cookbook, or just search the internet for a non-video recipe?
  • Will this incompetent chap who doesn’t even know how to learn how to make dal eventually follow in the noble footsteps of Samar Halarnkar and Max da Vinci and become a married man in the kitchen on a frequent basis, or is he just going to do this whenever his wife needs to self-examine?
  • What about lala couples who have domestic help to do all the chores anyway?
  • What about ladies who are widowed, have husbands who are living away from them, or aren’t married at all?

And, along with all of this, well, good for Philips India, but what made them decide on this good cause in particular?

I suspect that the whole point of the campaign is not to get more women examining themselves for breast cancer (though that would be a nice and positive side effect if it happened), but to get more husbands doing chores (which is valuable for its own sake and would also be excellent if it happened).

Now, telling husbands to do chores only for ten minutes a month may not seem like a lot as far as the wife is concerned. There is of course the possibility that the husbands will discover (to their own surprise) that they like doing things for their wives on a regular basis, or even that they enjoy doing the chores for their own sake. (Don’t knock that last possibility. Ironing is extremely relaxing.) And even if they don’t really enjoy it, maybe husbands will do it out of sheer competitiveness if they see other husbands doing it and bragging about it. Let us wait and watch.

Why, though, does Philips want husbands doing household chores? What’s in it for them?

My conspiracy theory is that they are not doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, a desire for less breast cancer, or a desire for more equitable marriages; but to sell the household appliances they make. What Philips is probably counting on is that husbands who have never done chores before will, once finally exposed to actual housework, realise what their wives have been going through and then rush to automate all these tasks as much as possible. Having realised the difficulties involved in getting ironed clothes, warm daal, or clean floors, they will at long last get better tools to achieve these, and immediately purchase mixies, vacuum cleaners, air fryers, or steam irons; to name but a few products in the Philips India range. Meanwhile, their wives, who had been wanting better equipment all this while but couldn’t convince them, will probably roll their eyes, grumble a bit about how long it took for the husbands to wake up to reality, and afterwards, hopefully, enjoy the benefits of increased automation, even if not the benefits of their husbands doing the work regularly.

If my conspiracy theory is correct, clearly somebody at Philips India is extremely subtle and patient in expanding their market size. Respect, I say. Respect.


The Jagadguru as Agony Aunt II

January 25, 2008

In his continuing efforts to solve the problems of His devotees, the Jagadguru presents the second instalment of his irregularly published column – Dear Jagadguru: Krish on Love, Sex, and Home Appliances. We would like to remind all His devoted readers that they can gain His darshan by emailing their problems to dearjagadguru AT aadisht DOT net.

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Respectful Jagadguru,

Forgive me for my gall in asking this question. Your wisdom is boundless but I see you have restricted your advice to only Love, Sex, and Home Appliances. I understand Love and to an extent, home appliances. But why Sex, it arises out of carnal impulses and is sinful. Or is it part of your deeper Maya that ordinary mortals like me cannot fathom? Please enlighten your devotee.

At your Holy Feet
MMM

Dear MMM,

If you cannot understand this it is because you have been fooled by the crap of free-market fundamentalists. These right-wing fools can only see things in black and white and can’t understand that Love and Sex are the same thing. As for carnal impulses well I have already explained it clearly that this is all part of human biology. As I have said an ideal society is one which will be based on biology-driven humanism. Writing about sex is only helping the biology-driven humans.

Good night and good luck!

Jagadguru

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Dear Jagadguru,

Why have you adopted the title given to you by those lousy right-wing fundamental capitalists? Why have you changed your website from http://krishonpolitics.in/ to http://jagadguru.in/? Isn’t buying lot of domain name falling for corporate conspiracy to make money off people?

Your chela,
Arthur Dent

Dear Arthur Dent,

how do you bullshit with a straight face?

Goodnight and good luck!!!!

Jagadguru

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Dear Jagadguru,

You give advice on so many things. Like love, home appliances, sex etc. you have impacted me Very Much. I want ur advice that is why. I have problem relating to all these fields you are expert of.

Some years I have been happily married. I have very loving relationship with my caring godfearing husband. But only in one aspect he is lacking. He is not being able to satisfy fully my sexual hunger.

I cannot tell anyone this because in Indian culture manhood is very important, and I do not want our friends to think that my husband is eunuch.

This is giving rise to very uncommon situation. I am working everyday in the house (I am not maidservant, I am only taking care of our family house). One day, after my husband went to work in the morning, I was feeling very tired, and resting my backside on the washing machine. Then I felt the vibration from the machine giving pleasurable sensation to my buttocks like how the sensation feels when my husband is thrusting and planting his seed in me. Only, my husband finishes all this very quickly, and washing machine being on for 15-20 minutes, it is very exciting. Nowadays, I am feeling very attracted. I am sitting on it as soon as my husband is leaving for work and getting lot of satisfaction.

But this guilty pleasure is making me feel very sinful. It will be very hurtful for my husband if he is coming to know that washing machine is causing more satisfaction. Please help, Jagadguru.

Thanking you

SDG

Dear SDG,

In my perfect society people will use reason over emotions in solving their problems. So there is no need to get guilty about your washing machine. It only shows that women should be the most against religious crap. In fact it is the religious fundamentalism which has led to you feeling guilty.

If your husband cannot give you pleasure, it is because he has a biological defect. Huh well this is not unlike the biological defect which most right wingers have. But at the same time you should use dryers rather than washing machine. This is because of the inherent dumbness of the trickle down theory.

Good night and good luck!!!!!

Jagadguru

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Dear Jagadguru,

My girlfriend and me like to bite each others’ necks when we are together. Although it is very pleasurable it eventually leads to bruises developing and this is very embarrassing when my family members notice. What is the way out?

Your devoted worshiper,

MMA

Dear MMA,

Shameful. This kind of violent acts has no place in a civilised society. I don’t understand how you call yourself educated if you like biting. This kinda atrocity of biting and eating each other will lead to a cannibal society. I don’t see this is any different from you and Modi and bin Laden. Here is an offer. You can send your degree to me and I will burn it for free.

Good night and good luck!!!!!!!!!!

Jagadguru

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Once again, we would like to remind our readers that they can send their problems in to dearjagadguru AT aadisht DOT net.