Enough has been written about the deteriorating infrastructure in Bangalore that I don’t need to provide links. The fallout of this is that Infosys and Wipro are threatening to pack up and leave, and move to other cities. One of these cities is Sonapur.
And I support this. Absolutely. One hundred percent.
This is not out of any great love for Sonapur. I hate the place. Despise it. It’s nothing but row upon row of government housing filled with pretentious yuppie wannabes. Like RK Puram, but more sordid. But still, I support IT in Sonapur. And to explain this, I would like to present an exchange of emails that took place on the alumni mailing list of my beloved (not!) undergraduate institute, Thakur Institute of Technological Sciences, Parwaanoo.
I am posting the emails without translations, so unless you understand Hindi this really won’t make sense. Sadly, no translation can do true justice to the emotions expressed here.
There has been one small change- I have changed the first names of the people involved. This has been done to protect the innocent, or rather, the guilty.
Here we go.
This is the first email.
Ummmmm hi comp2K,well life is going fine in bathinda.well i visited a deaf and dumb school yesterday on my b’day.although the school has enough funds but still there are 35 children who are very poor and needy. I thought may be some people would like to come forward and adopt these kids on yearly basis.They take Rs 5500 for a child and call it adoption.If you pay Rs 4800 they call it sponsorship.These kids are from villages near Bathinda.If anyone interested can let me know about it May be neat time when any of your close ones birthday falls you would like giving birth to one of these kids
Note how she starts an email with Ummmm. And I have no idea why any one would like giving birth to a poor and needy kid, especially on their close ones birthday, but to each his own.
Now, check out the reply to this. It was sent not to the group, but to Nidhi. The perpetrator was Nitesh Goyal (again, name changed).
Good job done!!!
main to samajhta tha ki tum India aur Indians ko kuch samajhti hi nahi but i was wrong.Good!!
Can u let me know where this school is?I mean location and name of the school.
After which Nidhi sends back this reply:
sucks goel that is the MOST PATHETIC THING i can think of agar tujhe nahi bhi pata tha to moh phadne ko yahi alumni tits ka group tha bade naaz se sab ko bata ki tujhe is school ke bare mein nahi pata baki sab par kya impression padega ki khod bathinda walon ko nahi pata.NFL KO JO SADAK JATI HAI US PAR HAI.3 din ke baad jaana abhi bachoon ki chotiya hai
which, translated, basically chides Nitesh Goyal for not knowing where the landmarks of Bathinda are, and berates him for displaying his ignorance about his home town to the entire mailing list. Note that he hasn’t actually betrayed it to the entire mailing list, only to Nidhi Singla, but that seems to have skipped her attention. Anyway, lets see the next mail- once again sent to Nidhi Singla personally.
thanks for telling but aadmi ko kabhi kabhi akal bhi laga leni chahiye.
message ke subject main agar group ka naam hai to iska matlab yeh nahi ki poore group ko ki hai.check it out.
and pls mind ur language.
mujhe nahi pata tha isiliye poocha hai, koi shonk nahi hai phaltoo main baat karne ka.
logon se aaram se baat karo aur woh sir pe chad jate hai.
gaaliyan main bhi tujhe nikal sakta hoon par …….
in which Nitesh reminds her that just because the subject line contains the name of the list, it need not necessarily be addressed to the list. I can’t do justice to what follows but in essence it complains about talking politely to people who then get wild, asks Nidhi to temper her language, and ends with “I can swear at you too but….”.
Nidhi now goes on the warpath and forwards the entire conversation to the group, adding these two lines:
guys check out the guy who LOVES ME
Wow. He LOVES HER? I never knew. The things I missed. And now such acrimony. The tragedy, the tragedy. Let’s move on to the next email. This one’s from Nitesh to the group.
thanks again for mailing this whole shit to the group.
U have done great job.
Keep it up!!! but aadmi ko kabhi kabhi akal bhi laga leni chahiye.(kyon apne par pe kulhadi mar rahi ho)
pehle bhi likha tha aur dubara likh raha hoon.
i hope i won’t need to write it another time.
Ah, now things are hotting up. Nitesh has told Nidhi in no uncertain terms that people need to use their intelligence at least sometimes, and asks her why she is axing her own feet. We now see another Goyal- Manish Goyal entering the fray. Let’s see what he has to say.
Please control yourself.There was nothing that u r
exaggarating. whatever u’ve written, if it was there,
that’s a thing of past….long forgotten.
move on in ur life…
so no use disturbing the environment of the grp and
the whole batch besides ur own and Nitesh’s peace of
mind.u must feel sorry.
hope to see no such thing in the future…
to which Nidhi responds:
go to hell I m not interested to be a part of group
prompting this reply from Nitesh:
Kya yaar subject ka mazak bana diya!!!!
People who r not interested can pls ignore this mail.and sorry to bother u guys.
kash ki tum bhagwan hoti to Hell bhi Heaven ho jata.
if the people like Manish are going to hell then the above statement holds…
aur haan anish yaar pooch to liya hota ki use group main rakhna hai ya nahi after all i love her.
Jao manish main tum se baat nahi karta….
she has to be a member of the group.
We don’t want to miss out the fun that happens in the group because of her mails.
She acts like a cement.Group main jaan aa jati hai.(Is Cement main Jaan hai).
Dil nahise Batao kabhi itni mails fwd hui hai..?? na.to phir??
I know that u r the moderator of the group but democracy naam ki bhi koi cheez hoti hai especially in a country like India…Manish tumne galat kiya.
and u should say sorry to her…
koi na main tere taraf se bol deta hoon
Sorry Nidhi(from Manish)
jis bande ne college time main bhi teri support ki.teri sudden mails in the group ka reply kiya.
tujhe achche dost ki tarah mana.. u r telling him to go to hell.
Insaan ko kabhi kabhi apni galti maan bhi leni chahiye
sorry Insaan keh diya Galati se **** kehte kehte.
Insaan ke naam pe dhabba ho tum balki dhabba kya dhabba ke bhi abba(sorry for the gender mismatch) ho tum.
Even group is not interested to have members like u.
mail maine ki thi.mujhe reply karti aur tumhe aur bhi achcha answer mil jata.
why r u involving others??
shayad tumhe meri mail samajh na aaye kyonki aisi mail ko padne ke liye intellect chahiye.
so i m summarizing it for u.
We don’t want u to be a part of our group and with the concensus of everybody i would order u to unsubscribe urself from the group.aur thodi si bhi sharam ho to don’t reply back to this group again.
Love u too
All right, I’m not even going to try to translate this. I don’t even understand what the heck Nitesh is trying to say anyway. There is no point. So let’s skip to the next mail, from Nidhi.
bastard deekha di na apni aukaat and ramu tu mujhe is kutte ka proposal accept karne ke liye keh raha tha sorry sweety kabhi bhi nahi and thanks for sending this mail to me I will make sure that I give it to your father and your equally good brother and of course your beautiful cousin mitika check it out sweety never try it again last warning I mean it you will pay a heavy prize after this and do Mark my words better write it on your wall on keep them in your wallet jab bhi apni aukaat dikha ka phir se ho to dekh lena shayad kuch izzat karna seekhe.and for the rest of the group thankyou sweet hearts especially my long term buddy sneha jindal thanks for not beging a part of the entire conversation love you for that sweety and one more thing I m getting some stupid mail that is not allowing me to UNSUBSCRIBE I would have done this yesterday itself but I m getting ths mail again and again so with my concensus I order you to unsubscribe me.
Separating that huge block of text into component sentences, we find that:
- Nitesh had once expressed romantic feelings to Nidhi and that Ramu had requested Nidhi to consider the same.
- Nidhi considers Nitesh a dog, and wouldn’t mind sending the previous mail to his brother, his father, and his beautiful cousin Mitika. I guess this saves her the bother as they can just read it over here.
- Nidhi resents the fact that her good friend Sneha Jindal has not leapt to her defence.
- And she cannot figure out how to unsubscribe herself, so she orders the admin to unsubscribe her from the mailing list.
And now, one final sally from Nitesh:
Hi and a very good morning to all of u!!!
log subhah subhah kuch achca padte hai aur mujhe padne ko mila to kya teri mail.
I won’t use these abusive words while describing u.Your name is Enough for that.
oye Nidhi Singla!!!
aur rahi baat mere ghar tak iska print out bhejne ki to pls move ahead.
Dhamki dene ki koi jarurat nahi hai.
aur ho sake to ab wali mail ka bhi print out le jayiyo.
jise apni aucat pata na ho woh keh raha hai ki apni aucat main raho.
Obviously main apni aucat main hi hoon.Tumhari aucat main to reh bhi nahi sakta.
there is no need to involve people like Sneha.They very well know what is right and what is wrong.and moreover why should they be involved for ur stupidity.
Even i don’t have the privelege to unsubscribe u otherwise i would have done it Yesterday itself.
Moderator Pls do the needful.
Ramesh, thanks for whatever u were trying to do but she is not my pick.
My Appologies to the group for spoiling the enthu and the purpose of the group.
Well that mostly says it all. And now you see just why I support IT in Sonapur.
As long as there are no IT jobs in Punjab, people like this- computer engineers from what is supposedly the premier engineering college in Punjab will migrate to Delhi and Gurgaon and Bangalore in search of employment. The horror! The horror!
Ask yourself this: do you seriously want loons like these in your city? You might be tolerant, and willing to tolerate the little foibles of immigrants- but if someone can take a thread that was originally about job vacancies at IBM and turn it into this miasma of negativity and conflict, can you imagine what they would do to a bustling metropolis?
Far, far better to confine them to Sonapur, where there is absolutely nothing they can do to make it worse.
Update: In line with Arnab’s recommendations, I have disguised the names of my aloo mutter as well as of Le Corbusier’s failed experiment in urban design. These are now respectively referred to as TITS Parwaanoo and Sonapur.