Don’t Braise Your Eye

July 16, 2007

I don’t know if what I’m going through right now is a quarter-life crisis1 or simply pent-up teenage angst finally being released now that I no longer have to suppress it in favour of things like board exams and computer symposiums and entrance exams.

According to Madhav there isn’t really a difference.

1: As Skimpy points out, it should really be called a one-third life crisis. But Quarterlife crisis sounds snappier and requires less explanation.


Avril Lavigne and Vedic Cosmology

July 15, 2007

When I wrote about Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend two months ago, I commented that this was a marketing maneuver gone wrong, where Avril Lavigne (or her producer) lost her core and niche market in hopes of appealing to the masses.

I was in error. In fact I almost committed blasphemy. Only now do I realise that Girlfriend – especially the video – is not about marketing or popularity or music audiences. It is in fact a modern exploration of the great themes of Hindu mythology. Avril Lavigne deserves to be praised for bringing the concepts of our glorious culture to the western world.

In the video (which, tragically, is not embeddable), we observe Avril Lavigne in a triple role – the musician with blonde hair (with multicoloured highlights), the saintly girlfriend with red hair and glasses, and the black haired interloper who attempts to capture malesexobject1. On superficial analysis, this appears to be yet another example of decadent Western culture. Yet when we examine deeply we discover that the video is in fact a discourse on one of the fundamental pillars of Hindu culture: the trinity of feminine energies, or त्रिशक्ती. Analysing further, we will see that the video also points out the obligation of man to seek out the balance between the competing forces of purity (सत्त्व), dynamism (रजस्) and destruction (तमस). This shall be explained in detail below.

Clearly, blonde Avril is a modern-day representation of Saraswati. As we see at 00:23, the guitar has substituted the Veena, yet the symbolism remains clear as ever. The blonde hair simulates Saraswati’s yellow skin, while the multicoloured highlights in the hair represent the subjects under her domain. The rainbow colours stand for the seven notes of music, the multiple strands of learning that form education, and the seven chakras of Ayurveda. Furthermore, the ‘A’ visible on her shirt sleeve at 00:25 drives in the connection with education and learning even further. The climactic scene of the video, where blonde Avril and her attendants are depicted dancing in a toilet emphasise her stature as a goddess of the waters and rivers.

Simultaneously, redhead Avril represents Lakshmi. The inference is drawn more subtly here, but it is still evident. The bread eating scene beginning at 1:24 establishes her as the giver of bounty and prosperity, while the pink sweater she wears throughout the video demonstrates her connection with material things and wealth. The thick rimmed glasses she wears can be interpreted in a multitude of ways: as symbolising the owl, the vehicle of Lakshmi, or the intense scrutiny that wealth must undergo. The recursive nature of these interpretations is a subject best left to more qualified professionals in the field, such as Dr. Acharya Somuchidononanda Pandey.

Finally, we turn our attention to brunette Avril, who signifies Kali. This is perhaps the most startlingly explicit of the parallels drawn. Just as blonde Avril wears an ‘A’ on her sleeve, brunette Avril wears a skull and crossbones (most clearly visible at 3:47). It is not a garland of fifty one heads, yet it makes the point simply and starkly. Her black hair and clothing are startlingly literal – yet even these are not as direct as the protruding tongue seen at 1:14. After a reference as explicit as this, the metaphor of gold club as sword beginning at 2:02 seems obscure and contrived in comparison.

And what of malesexobject? We obtain insight into his role at the very beginning of the video, when we see him entering Golf and Stuff – Family Fun Courts (emphasis mine). Clearly, he represents the householding (ग्रहस्थ्य ) stage of evolution, where he must move through life amassing wealth, protecting his dependents and shattering his obstacles.

Yet, as the video shows, ग्रहस्थ्य is not without its risks and temptations. Righteous as he may be, the man may fall into the temptation of amassing wealth for its own sake – shown in the video as redhead Avril being the original girlfriend. Yet, Lakshmi is illusion and maya, and Lakshmi for her own sake will lead to man straying off the path of dharma and being swayed over by tamasic forces. At this point we see the entrance of Kali, who through violence, destruction and misfortune, shows man the ephemeral and illusory nature of wealth. It is only when wealth has been completely and utterly subjugated by destruction and renewal – depicted in the video as brunette Avril despatching redhead Avril with a golf ball (the underlying metaphor of success choking on its own trappings is obvious) – that man can renounce the material world and move to spiritual awareness.

Yet, at the end of the video it is not brunette Avril who walks away with malesexobject, but blonde Avril. It is the triumph of Saraswati, not Kali. Showing us that Kali is only an intermediate step on the journey of man – for only once the illusory trappings of wealth are destroyed can man attain the enlightenment that comes from true knowledge of the workings of the Universe- and thus he attains the feet of Saraswati.

How foolish I was to mock this song! ‘She’s like so whatever‘ – only now do I understand the inherent wisdom in this line – that whatever one may look at, it is merely an aspect or manifestation of the three-feminine-energies-in-one. ‘I think we should get together now‘ – what is this but a call to achieve a higher spiritual plane and union with the Divine?

This music video must go out far and wide. The spiritual awakening of the nation’s youth depends upon it.

1: I am indebted to Aishwarya for introducing me to the descriptor malesexobject. No other term fits the male lead quite as well.


Sohrabbudin and the Idiotarians

July 13, 2007

What is it about the Sohrabbudin encounter killing that brought out idiotarians from all sides?

First, we had Swapan Dasgupta, who claimed in the Pioneer that Sohrabbudin was just collateral damage in the fight against terrorism:

The conflict between robust anti-terrorism and cynical politics is at the heart of arrest of DG Vanzara and two other IPS officers on charges of killing Sohrabuddin Sheikh, a known extortionist and gun-runner, and his partner in a “false encounter”.

Exactly how does summarily executing an extortionist count as robust anti-terrorism? And if he does have terrorist ties, is arresting him and bringing him to trial not robust enough? (Actually, it isn’t – but that’s an argument for improving judicial processes and police reforms, not encounter killings).

Swapan Dasgupta then pulled an unrelated analogy out with the 7 July bombings:

Two years ago, the British police erred in gunning down an innocent Brazilian in London. Did that lead to the demand for the interrogation and arrest of the Home Secretary and the Prime Minister?

Well, no. But then are the British police subject to the level of political control and/ or interference that the Indian police are? If the political leadership isn’t willing to give the police autonomy, then it should damn well take the responsibility.

The whole column stank of non sequitur, really. Dasgupta kept bringing in a counter terrorism angle (when there was none), and pushed a ‘you can’t have an omelette without breaking eggs’ line. Contrast that to Ramesh Ramanathan’s column in Mint, where he actually pointed out possible police reforms that would free the police to conduct real counter-terrorist operations free of political interference:

The clock on this police reform is ticking. States were required to adhere to the Supreme Court’s directive by January 2007; this has been extended to 31 March 2007. In the coming months, we will see an independent police force for the first time in this country. With it, less opportunity for police misconduct. Lower probability of another Sohrabuddin fake encounter. Fewer moral cul-de-sacs for people to get trapped in.

(Okay, it remains to be seen if the structural changes will actually lead to independence and probity, but at least it’s a start. And at least Ramanathan talks about solutions instead of going off and ranting the way Dasgupta does.)

But wait, that’s not it. From the other end of the ideological spectrum, we got this stunning blogpost on Kafila. Which claimed that all encounter killings in the country were the handiwork of a conspiracy in the Intelligence Bureau. And this is because:

The question is not whether Mr. Modi sanctioned or did not sanction the killings (even presuming that he did), or whether Sohrabuddin was killed on the request of ‘Rajasthani Marble Traders’. The question is, how could the Gujarat police (even if we assume that it acted under orders solely emanating from Modi’s home ministry in Gujarat, or from the Rajasthani Marble Trade) successfully undertake an operation that needed to be fine tuned as far away as Hyderabad, just on its own resources.

and:

What is missing, or not commented on, in much of the discussion round the fake encounters is the fact that this kind of multi-state co ordination of police forces can only be done by Central bodies. The one central body uniquely equipped to bring such co ordinated efforts to fruition is none other than the Intelligence Bureau.

Correct. You know, last month me, Skimpy, Baada, and BJ met up for dinner. We all work in different companies. We live in different parts of Bangalore. We have different job profiles. This kind of multi-company coordination of MBAs cannot be done independently. It must have been done by a central organizing body. The only body capable of doing this is the IIMB Alumni Association. Cellphones and informal networks are a myth.

The truly appalling thing is that this steaming pile of manure got inked from Desipundit. Clearly, being a congenital idiot is no bar to getting link love from Abinandan.

Anyway. I shall now go off and blog about pleasing things. I need to replenish up my bile reserves for when I write about If God Was a Banker.


I Wish…

July 8, 2007

that Chase Manhattan had been acquired by Abbey National instead of JP Morgan. Then the merged entity could have been called Abbey Chase.


Night and Day

July 8, 2007

The Alkaff Bridge by Day:

Alkaff Bridge - II

Same bridge, by night:

Alkaff Bridge at Night

Sigh. It’s opportunities like this that make me wish I had better skills, and better equipment.


Diversity and Inclusion

July 8, 2007

My employers, bless them, are great believers in Diversity and Inclusion. At the global level, they want to make the organisation as diverse as possible on three parameters: gender, nationality, and physical handicap.

In India, the country office decided to focus on gender diversity. Increasing the number of nationalities in India is complex because of visa issues (not to mention that most people of other nationalities would rather not work here), and including physically handicapped people in the organisation requires large investments in infrastructural changes. Bringing women in and making them feel more comfortable is comparatively low hanging fruit.

Except that it screws up diversity on other dimensions, which aren’t being measured.

The thing is, women from smaller towns are much less likely to have the qualifications a woman from a metro does. More to the point, societal norms will act as a barrier to women migrating to metros and taking up jobs there even if they have qualifications. So increasing the gender mix and getting more women into the workplace will actually end up throttling geographical diversity or diversity of personal background.

This isn’t a huge problem if you think gender diversity is far more important than any sort (there are good arguments both for and against such a presumption), but it just illustrates that diversity as an end in itself can end up being self-defeating.


Vibrant Blood

July 7, 2007

Zer Vibrant Blood is zer Vibrant Life

Everybody already bitches that the Singaporean nanny state/ civil society is intrusive, undemocratic, and evil. A poster like this does nothing to contradict that. In fact it makes the Gahmen sound like a bunch of vampires from a B-grade horror flick: “Ah… zer blood… it is so young… so vibrant… so full of life.”

Now that I think about it, if the PAP was actually a coven of vampires, it would explain Singapore’s insanely high taxes on alcohol. They do not want people to drink… vine.


The Times of India’s Firewall Policy

July 6, 2007

Homo (of Homo Fighter, Fighter Homo fame) is currently working as a wage slave for the Slimes of India. Which, considering the stuff it splashes all over its webpage (and print pages), has a rather bizarre firewall policy. As shown by the GTalk excerpt below:

Homo: so what have you done so far to help out a person in dire need?
11:40 AM me: Nothing. I am a heartless bastard who kicks kittens
11:41 AM Homo: very well, but remember that god will one day punish you for your sins, disbelieving blasphemist
11:43 AM and, oh, i realised last week that three weeks is all it’ll take for me to lose my nickname.
11:44 AM me: And why is that?
11:45 AM Homo: courtesy pastor ted haggart.
11:46 AM me: ??
Homo: who sleeps with gay hookers for three years, doped on meth, and then goes in for three weeks of rehab and therapy before proclaiming to the world, “I’m heterosexual now!”
oh you haven’t heard of him? fun story
me: Whatta guy
11:47 AM But your nickname is eternal and independent of sexual orientation
Homo: i’d google it, but my office bans any mention of “sex” in the link, so my search on google news for “ted haggart” +heterosexual will be blocked.
me: Let me get this straight
11:48 AM The Times Of India office bans any searches on sex?
Bwahahhahahahahahahhahahahah!
Homo: yes.
ultimate irony, innit?
me: I am so blogging this
Homo: i’d blog about it, but, ah well, i work for them.
sure!

(In case your firewall isn’t as restrictive, and you do go Googling, it’s Ted Haggard and not Haggart. Here’s the wiki article)


Mark Bagley Should Be Arrested

July 5, 2007

For inciting paedophilia:

usm


Axshully There is a Funda

July 5, 2007

When I wrote my post about Harry Potter being as predictable as mainstream comics, I was being facetious. But some time after that I was thinking about comparing Harry Potter to Star Wars as well. And in the course of wiki-ing about, I came to page on The Hero With a Thousand Faces.

See, there was this dude called Joseph Campbell and he came up with this funda of the monomyth. This funda basically says that every story about a hero follows the same basic pattern – which is set out in great detail over here. So the hero must face a challenge, must have a guiding father figure, must face trials on a journey, and must have a confrontation with another father figure. It’s some sort of story which every proto-culture1 evolves.

When George Lucas wrote Star Wars, he followed the formula as explained by Joseph Campbell to a tee. By doing so, he apparently activated visceral and genetically hardwired triggers within us, which explains why we all watched the movie so often and louwed it so much despite the story being, well, kinda crap.

The problem which subsequently arose was that after George Lucas made his packet, other junta decided that he was on to a good thing and decided that whenever they wrote a screenplay or a book, they’d follow the monomyth template also. This explains why most major movies are very much like each other, and also why Harry Potter is so predictable – or rather why it fails to be truly surprising.

Anyway, figuring out which plot points in the Harry Potter series correspond to which stage of the monomyth is left as an exercise to my beloved readers. I am just going to go ahead and write the next post, after which I shall see a movie. Or read The Writing on the Wall. Or something.

1But not protoculture.