A Sad and Pathetic Man

October 17, 2006

Dilip D’Souza has given me some advice. He says that making snide remarks leads to your own argument losing credibility, not the other person’s argument.

Well, I am glad to see that DDD has finally realised this. I suppose the realisation came to him after he was thulped all around for making snide comments and mocking Ravikiran’s post on incest. True, there were no comments about anatomy in specific, but trying to lampoon a post without even reading it or understanding the context it came from is pretty snide. DDD didn’t even notice the first paragraph in which Ravikiran mentioned he was responding to a question. He just had his bitchy little response up within twenty four hours. Yes, a clear case of responding to arguments rather than to people.

Oh, DDD defended himself. He said it was so pompous that it just cried out to be mocked. But this was the same man who a few months earlier had written that he would advise his friends to avoid mockery and insults if they ever came up with something like the Danish Mohammed cartoons. Our man evidently has different standards for his friends and for himself. Or different standards for prophets and bloggers. And if it’s printed in the Hindustan Times or Mid-Day, it’s always fair game for mockery.

You’d think that a fifty year old man would be mature enough to realise when he’s being inconsistent. To ‘learn from doubt’. But DDD is far too engrossed in persecution complexes and paranoia for that. Let’s not forget that this is a man who finds it bizarre when people ask him which magazines publish what he writes.

Dilip, before you start spewing homilies about learning from doubt, look in the mirror. Have you learnt anything from being unanimously criticised for calling a rant ‘fine journalism’? Have you learnt anything from being criticised all around for making emotional arguments that fly in the face of the facts? Have you learnt anything from all the commenters who complain that nine times out of ten you’ll answer questions with other questions or answers that bear no rellation? That’s not even learning from doubt, that’s learning from in-your-face feedback.

You’re a sad and pathetic man, Dilip. Don’t lecture me.


Agreeing with Annie

July 25, 2006

In what seems like a long time ago, young Annie Zaidi attracted all sorts of flack for saying that there is no such thing as merit- or at the very least, that exams don’t measure it properly. Of course, the conclusion you would draw from this would be to improve the examination system rather than start reservation, but we will leave that aside. Annie was attacked from first principals by disgruntled IITians who said that the JEE bloody well did measure merit.

But I have to agree with Annie. Received wisdom suggests that the IAS exam is much, much tougher than both the JEE and the CAT. The people who make it to the IAS are the cream of the cream. They are interviewed by twenty-four hour news channels and worshipped and feared by primitive and superstitious villagers (and also by quite rational city-dwellers). If there was ever an exam that filtered out merit, the IAS entrance is it.

But then all these meritorious IAS officers pull shit like banning Princess Kimberly. And you have to ask yourself, what the faak?

It’s true. There really is no merit. Let’s throw the IAS open to everyone.


How to get linked by India Uncut

May 18, 2006

Writing quality stuff won’t cut it. There’s already so much good stuff around, there’s no guarantee your stuff will be the one linked too. No, to get an Uncutlanche you must appeal to Amit Varma’s baser instincts. As I do below.

Read the rest of this entry »


Landfall

May 18, 2006

This, dear readers, is where the travel journal ends. As some of you may already know or have realised, I have actually been posting the journal entries from Delhi. Internet access in China was too unreliable to post anything of consequence there, and of course there was the haunting terror that I might post something that would run afoul of Chinese censors, and be thrown into a concentration camp.

I wrote the journal out in longhand in a notebook while I was in China, and have been copying the entries into WordPress since I returned. Here’s a photograph of the journal page that eventually became this post:

Travel Journal

And that is all where China is concerned. Maajorly Shadymax Arbit Fundaes will return to its regular programming shortly.


The Religion of Poverty, Spelled Out

March 17, 2006

Sigh.

For six months or more, you keep a leash on your writing. You write for the most part about telecom, with diversions into other infrastructure sectors. You keep it factual and devoid of metaphors (though you indulge yourself with a PJ every so often). And what happens? The minute you decide to spice things up a little with some dramatic flourishes, you get accused of condescendation1.

Oh well. I suppose it was my fault for not being as explicit as I could have been. So let’s dive into the clarification.

Starting out, I am not accusing anybody who finds the ad objectionable of being leftist, or a fool. In fact, there are two aspects to this. First, I am only talking about the three people who have linked the ads, not everyone who dislikes them. Second, I am not calling them leftists, or fools. Nor am I saying that they are opposed to liberalisation. What I am saying that they exhibit the same behaviour that religious people do.

Now, let’s talk about why I’m saying that.

There is an undercurrent in all of the posts that I linked to that it is wrong to use the images of the poor. It exploits them, commodifies them even.

MumbaiGirl:

That it’s ok to use poverty in a patronising fashion, like a commodity, make a joke about it.

Nancy Gandhi:

Millions of men and women in this country — who are NOT thieves — spend their whole lives doing backbreaking, soul-killing work, and remain pretty much in a cashless world — while we lucky few can buy things with plastic cards. Let’s make jokes about their misery on top of it.

My first question: so?

We commodify other people and make jokes about them all the time. The Coke ads have been stereotyping a bunch of ethnic communities for two years now. The new Airtel hoarding for their One rupee plan shows a Sardar and a Bharatnatyam dancer. Isn’t that commodification, when you pick people only for the fact that they live far apart and help you point out that distance has died?

So, MumbaiGirl, what is so special about the poor that you want to make an exception for them? This is the veneration I’m talking about. It’s the same sort of veneration that makes Hindu NRIs claim that you can’t put Ganesh on a thong, or Muslims infuriated when someone publishes cartoons of Mohammed. Or Parsis when Oliver Stone uses a Zoroastrian symbol in Alexander. Or Christians when The Last Temptation of Christ is made. Yes, not all these cases lead to rioting or burning embassies, but the underlying argument is the same: that only some people have the right to decide what is a tasteful and correct use of a particular symbol.

And now my second question, which should hopefully explain the later commandments.

Who is more patronising: the copyrighters of the ads, or the people who take offense on behalf of the poor? The ones who make fun of people, or the ones who think that people cannot judge for themselves whether to be offended or not, and need somebody to spring to their defence? By what authority do they assume the right to take offense on behalf of someone who may not even have seen the ad? Are the poor their property that they must worry about their welfare?

This is the other way in which these posts have resembled religion. They assume the right to take offense on behalf of someone or something, no matter whether that someone or something is alive to care, or dead, or a symbol, or non-existent, or supremely indifferent. Just like the outrage felt by ‘Hindu pride’ when MF Hussain draws Saraswati. It is perhaps worse, because these posts reduce the poor to symbols, instead of people.

1Condescendation is a physical process unique to Infamous Cartel Members. It’s what happens when you’re so cool that the waves of your condescenscion solidify around you in a frosty condensate.


The Ten Commandments of Poverty

March 15, 2006

Demonstrating compassion for the poor used to be an industry. Lately, it’s become a religion, as demonstrated by this post, this one, and this one.

Like every other religion, this one too has its commandments. Here they are:

  1. The Poor are Holy, and must be venerated for their poverty.
  2. Poverty is mysterious, and cannot be understood by the privileged- they are Infidels.
  3. But even among the privileged, there are The Compassionate- Anointed Ones who can understand the mysterious ways of poverty.
  4. The Anointed Ones must educate the Infidels, and show them the error and folly of their ways.
  5. The Anointed Ones may use images of the poor to demonstrate their compassion. To use images of the poor for any other reason is a sin.
  6. To subject poverty, the Holiest of Holies to rigorous analysis, using evidence or logic is a sin. Infidels will use these, but they are traps of the devil. Faith in the Anointed Ones is enough.
  7. The Infidels will worry more about their own life than about the Other Life and their relationship with the Holy Poor. The Anointed Ones must save them. The Other Life is far more important.
  8. The Anointed Ones must always speak only of the core truths of the Holy Scripture that they have written. Responding to the queries of the Infidels cheapens Holy Poverty.
  9. The Holy Scripture is eternal and unchanging, and need not ever be changed to reflect new knowledge. Only the knowledge possessed by the Anointed Ones matters.
  10. The Anointed Ones are always superior, because they are Anointed.

Guest Blogger: Found

February 10, 2006

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Maajorly Shadymax Arbit Fundaes’s new guest blogger: SKimpy (also known as Wimpy or the Wimp).

SKimpy is a former RSS member who has now given up his Hindutvawadi ways and taken up the multiple pursuits of promoting free markets, bashing I-banks, and cribbing about his love life. The sight of Wimpy in his red bandana has been known to strike terror into the hearts of swaps dealers from New York to Tokyo.

He will be here for about a month, until placements begin. He has promised not to post personal stuff out here, but has made no such guarantees about insulting I-bankers, B. Com graduates, or people from outside South Karnataka. Which is all good and keeping in spirit with our values.

I shall be paying him in PPT attendance.


Wanted: Guest Blogger

February 9, 2006

It looks like the only thing I shall have time to write over the next few weeks are analyst reports on recruiters. In the interest of keeping this blog alive, I am shamelessly flicking Ravikiran’s tactic and inviting applications for guest bloggers.

Candidates must possess impeccable spelling and grammar skills.

Guest blogging at Maajorly Shadymax Arbit Fundaes will provide you an exciting career opportunity at a blog which receives at least a hundred and fifty unique visits a day, and gives you a chance to grow this even further in a dynamic and progressive blogging environment.

Maajorly Shadymax Arbit Fundaes owes its success to its values. Although every blog will talk about its values, we at MSAF believe that our values are special. Our values are a strong focus on readers, nurturing our people1, and creating shareholder value2.

Compensation is ten lakh rupees per annum.3

Apply through the comments or the email form.


1: Admittedly, our people is only me up to this point. But I strongly believe that I should be nurtured.
2: As there are no shareholders, any value created leads to infinite shareholder value.
3: Estimated monetized value of the fame that comes as part of guest-blogging on MSAF. Includes variable pay (subject to performance review).


No Best Title Contest

January 12, 2006

I must confess that I am taken aback by the adulation my blog title has received from so many quarters.

Because frankly, I always thought that the funda- leave alone the humour- of the title would be appreciated by very few people. Let’s face it, despite the delightful nature and versatility of IITM lingo, general junta doesn’t hold it in high regard. Those are the junta who’ve heard it, of course, so many people have not even had that privelege.

The adulation is all the more unexpected because I never planned to call the blog MSAF. My blog title used to be plain and simple aadisht dot net before I switched to WordPress. When I ran the setup and WordPress asked me for a title, I couldn’t think of a title. Of course, when you can’t think of anything sensible to fill in a text box, you fill it with Maajorly Shadymax Arbit Fundaes.


The Best Thing About WordPress

January 10, 2006

is the Save As Draft feature. Now, even if I don’t have time to type out the complete post, I can leave a draft for editing later.

Drafts were not just something I never got around to implementing in Sonali (my old CMS), but something I never even imagined the need for. After all, I could always save drafts offline.

There are two problems with that- first, I’m not always going to be on the same computer. More importantly, when I have my drafts saved offline I don’t have a pressing urge to complete them. On the other hand, when I log in to WordPress and see all your drafts there in front of me, it reminds me to get them finished as soon as possible.